The other side of me
by Kay-xP-J14
Summary: Mathis, a police officer. He lost his partner in a shooting. Not only a close friend, but he's life long partner. Can he deal with the insanity that has reached his mind. Can he stop himself from hurting the other people that he loves and are close to? A DenNed story
1. Chapter 1

I followed the criminal into a dark ally. I stayed about a good thirty feet away from him, I don't want him to see me or have a clue that I'm following him. It was raining tonight, a dark stormy night. Great that's exactly what I need. I'm following a criminal in anckle high water, if I splash any water, I will be exposed. I can't let the happen. The criminal took a sharp turn, I quickly followed him. When I took the sharp turn I started to slow down my pace, I was getting a little to close to my target. The criminal turned around, smiling at me. SHIT, he knew I was following him. I pulled out my gun. "N.Y.P.D. but your hands up!" I yelled to him but all he did was shake his head no. Next thing I knew it I felt a cold hard object smashing into my head. Last thing I heard was Tim, my partner. Yelling and then shooting from a gun nearby. I had became unconscious after my hit to the heat.

Hours later I woke up to find blood all over myself. It wasn't my blood, there was too much for a gash to the head. If I lost this much I would of been dead. I then realized that I was still in the ally. Something was wrong, by now Tim would of taken me to the hospital for my injuries. I got up form the cool concrete, I slightly lumped while I followed the trail of blood. It's probley belongs to the guy that decided to run away from me. I followed the trail to around the corner. I looked up to see the unconscious body. I gasped as I saw Tim.

Tear ran down my face. I ran to him. I shock him. "No, your gonna wake up. I know your just _unconscious." I told him. I felt his pulse to see if he still had a heartbeat. There was nothing, I was just holding a dead man's arm. I cried harder. "God Dam it! Why you?" I screamed but it turned out to be all mumbles. I barried my face into his chest. I burst out crying. "I love you." I whispered to him. "Rest in peace."_

After hours of crying _I looked at the lifeless man that I love. I felt unbarable pain in my stomach. I couldn't stand the pain, I felt pain everywhere in my body. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell. I called for the paramedics. I stayed beside Tim till they came and took him. I stared at the ground, I couldn't watch them take him and leave. I then saw a hand come in front of my face. I looked up to see Arthur._

"Come on, let's get you home." He said to me in a calming voice.

I didn't take his hand, I got up on my own and started to walk back to my car. I didn't say a word. We got into the car and he drove me home. Once I got home, I was about to get out of the car when Arthur said something. I couldn't hear him, I was too busy in my thoughts. I turned my head towards him. "I didn't hear you." I had a glum look in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Mathis. I know how much you love him." Arthur said to me.

I looked down, then started to open the car door slowly. "Thanks, I guess." Arthur was the only one on the police squad that knew I was dating Tim. Arthur was the one that go us together.

"I really am, he was a great man." He also added. "If you need anything, please call me."

I got out of the car and slammed the door. Great here comes the days, weeks, maybe even years of the sorrow from other people. All of the 'Sorry for your loss' crap. Just thinking about it makes me wanna yell out. I just nod and start to walk to my home. I noticed that Arthur was worried but I just didn't care anymore.

England parked the car for me and started to walk home. I felt bad that he had to walk home but I just wanted to be left alone. I walked inside my home, usually I would be greeted by Tim, but that's not possible. I leaned against the door as soon as it closed. I started to cry uncontrollably. I slid down to the ground. Why can't the pain stop?

The pain in my chest was unbearable, and this is only the begining of it all.


	2. Chapter 2

I rolled off from the couch. I looked out the window, I saw the sun setting. Great another day that I slept my day away. I took the bottle of beer that was sitting on the table in front me and took a swag. I slightly lumped to the calender. Two weeks... I signed in pain. Two weeks ago I lost the only person that mattered to me. "We were so in love." I muttered to myself before drinking more of the stale beer from the night before. "So perfect that we couldn't mess it up."I shock my head. "I can't say goodbye." Warm salty tears began to run down my face. I ran my fingers in my hair, trying to calm myself as I took a shaky breath. My back hit the wall, I slid down to the floor as I hit the ground. I berried my face in my palms. I can't take this pain anymore, it's just unbearable to lose someone that you love so much that it hurts.

*Ding* *Dong*

The doorbell rang. I wiped my tears as I stood up. I looked at the door in slight anger. But who is here and why? I have several theories but let's not get into that. I slowly walked to the front door. I wondered if I should answer the door or not. I wiped the last of my tears then placed my hand on the knob of the door. I slowly twisted the knob still questioning who was on the other side. At last, I pulled the door open.

"Ello, Mathis." Arthur said in a slight happy tone. "How you doing, buddy?"

I signed at the English man. Really? Why him? I thought it would be Lukas or even Berwald, but no it's Arthur. He's the last person I saw, I haven't really been out or anything since the death. "Why are you here?" I said in a low toned voice. I sounded grumpy but unstable.

"I was seeing how you were holding up." I stared at him for a moment till he spoke again. Breaking the silence between us. "Have you been out at all? Have you seen anyone?" His voice grew with concern.

I shock my head no. I hesitated to closed the door once he stepped in. I wanted him to leave but I didn't all at once. I know I need a friend right now, but I know I want to be left alone.

Arthur shock his head as he thought. "Do you even have food?"

I once again shock my head. I knew he was trying to stay off the topic of Tim's death.

"When is the last time you ate?" He questioned to me before going to the fridge and checking to see if I had any food.

"Last week." I walked to the empty fridge to close it. "I ran out of food but still had beer. So I've been drinking that."

"Come on, we're gonna go out and get something to eat. You must be starving." Arthur grabbed a coat of mine.

"I don't want to do out." I said with a little panic in my voice.

Arthur walked over to me. He handed me the jacket. "Your going, I will force you." He said as he made eye contacted. "Mathis, I know death can be very hard to handle, especially when it's a death from someone you love more than life itself." He kept making eye contact with me. "Tim's death was tragic, it really was but he mostly likely doesn't want you to act like this."

I stood there dumbfounded. "Y-your right." I managed to say. Arthur than grabbed my arm and pulled me to his car. I got inside then he drove to town. We really didn't do anything. We ordered fast food, ate in the car. Arthur wasn't letting me go home, till I was out of the house for awhile. We drove in the car for hours in awkward silence. There was very few words spoken between each other. I looked at my watched, four hours we have been in the car. Arthur isn't giving up on the 'keeping me out of the house' thing. I really don't think he knows how to handle this stuff, or he does but he's trying to give me space or just let me think. I don't know but I haven't cried in hours and I don't know how I feel about that.

"Mathis."

I stopped in my thoughts. I turned my head to Arthur. "Yeah..."

He hesitated to say what he wanted to say. "I'm sorry. I knew how much he meant to you."

I slightly yelled, I lost my tempter right away. "No! You didn't! If you did then you wouldn't be driving me around all day! You'd leave me alone! All I want is to be left alone."

Arthur's eyes widen in shock. "Mathis...Calm yourself."

"No." I said as I opened the door to the raining outside. I began to walk to the side walk.

"Let me drive you home. So you won't get sick." Arthur said as he put his head out the window.

I ignored him as I walked down a path. I could feel the cold water running down my face with my warm tears. I couldn't stop crying. I saw a bench as I walked by. I sat down on it, not caring if I was soaking wet or not. "I love him so much it hurts." I said before rolling into a ball and heavily crying into my knees. I soon fell asleep stopping the pain for awhile.


End file.
